i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
