Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
