I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
