So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
