Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
