I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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