Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
