if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
