Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
