I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
