I hate your face
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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