i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Who did Billy Mays play for?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
