The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
