3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
