My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
