She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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