chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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