So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
