lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
