so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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