I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My liver just broke up with me...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
