I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
