She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
