i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
