I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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