If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im holly from the hills drunk
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
