big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
