Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
