made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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