just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just blew my weed a kiss
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
