So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
