just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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