matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
