You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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