Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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