what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
