Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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