worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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