Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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