Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
