don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh god it's open bar.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
