Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
