I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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