I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
there was a trapeze. enough said
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
