In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
