I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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