hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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