it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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