On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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