At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
