if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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