The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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